This week we're going to dig a little deeper: Have you ever put anything before your marriage? Maybe you've gotten bogged down with work, church or hanging just out with friends, and your marriage went from #1 to #527! Share a story about how your eyes were opened to this fact, how you expressed it to your spouse, and how you dealt or didn't deal with the situation. As newlyweds we have to learn the art of putting our marriage first as we make the transition from being single. Also couples that have been together for years can get in a slump and need to be reminded of this fact. So let's bless each other with this first hand knowledge on the subject.
This week's song is a duet with Anita Baker & Babyface called, "Like You Used To Do"... we think it speaks volumes to this week's topic! Check it out and enjoy! Also, consider joining us in Florida for A Date With God in August. This may be just the refresher your marriage could use!
Mr. & Mrs. Ordell
ReplyDeleteWe the Coleman’s can think of a thousand things that we put before our marriage. We will be married 11 years in July. Each of us at the particular time felt that we were doing what was important. For my husband it was working, he was raised that work comes first everything else you can enjoy once you retire. I on the other hand was taking the works part of salvation and turning it into a fortune 500 Business. I signed up for everything at church never asked my husband or really prayed about it. He was working and I was working for the Lord….. Then the crash came when we noticed that we would rather be at work or church then with each other. I cared more about not letting the people at church down then my own husband, my lover, and friend and confident. Not sure how real this blog wants to get but who the son sets free is free indeed. So we both planted seeds that kept us from being connected. I began to find myself looking at others men and he noticed that every woman at his job seem to all of a sudden think he looked nice today. We both decided to go to a counselor and find out why we did not connect anymore. To our surprise we found out that we actually spent on 3% of our day together. Any free time was doing other things. Neither of us demanded attention from the other, we were given the advice to stop all activities that did not include our spouse. We were to fill all that time up doing things with each other. Let me tell you that really worked in two years we had 2 kids (smile). We made a promise to not do things without really talking time to see what this endeavor will cost our marriage. We enjoy spending time with each other and know just how much it cost a marriage to not make each other a priority. So the rule of thumb share a life together, if you don’t the enemy will try to fill your life with other things that can destroy a marriage. Matthew 19:6 (The Message) 4-6He answered, "Haven't you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female? And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one. Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart."
FROM THE WIFE:
ReplyDeleteI wish we would have wrote ours before this... not sure what can be said after the powerful post of the Colemans! We so love your honesty!
So glad you mentioned the distraction church became for you. Not that we shouldn't serve in ministry, but we often confuse church and quiet time with God himself. We must have balance, but be sure to spend time with the Lord always for direction in our marriage.
As the wife on this blog - I had to adjust to being married after being single till I was 40. Many want to be married no matter what, but don't understand that when you have been "on your own" so long, you have to learn how to focus on another person that is now one with you.
I thought I was focused on my husband, until the day he sat me down and pointed out that I was always so worried about friends, family, mentorees, etc. that he found himself low on my list. Was it intentional? no... it was more a part of my nature, because so many people were dependent on me emotionally or spiritually, that I felt obligated to them.
He would point it out to me, and of course I denied it over and over. I thought I was being nice, and he'd respect it and appreciate it even the more, as my husband. But not if it meant he was being sacrificed in the process.
It took some time to shift my full focus to our marriage, but I just kept asking him to give me time. Marriage is different from dating. I believe that the best part of our marriage was that we didn't live near either of our immediate family or close friends during our first year, so that we had time to lock into each other and learn the priority a spouse must have in your life. I'm still learning, but my husband brings me into balance... because I'm open to having him share with me and give me space to learn.
Wow! The Coleman's post sounded so very familiar, except we had three children we were homeschooling on top of him working and me being devoted to church. Plus I was a people pleaser, trying to please everyone except my husband. Lord knows Mr. B is a patient man, because he waited a long time for me to realize I was putting people before him. One day I went to him with tears streaming down my face and repented for not making him a priority in my life. He smiled, and I said "it's not funny I'm serious!". Then he said, "I know, I'm just happy you finally realized it. Now we can move on." What a sweetie, just like that I was forgiven. Doesn't he sound like someone else we know? He was able to reduce his hours and retired from being a work-a-holic. We committed to having a date day weekly and trying to make it a priority to get away for overnighters as often as finances would allow. Now we do alot together. Walking, exercising, intimate meals of oatmeal every morning; we are only separate for work and commission meetings, everything else we do together. It's good we learned this before our children left home or we would have been two strangers living under the same roof.
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