MARRIED COUPLES: Pray Like Garanimals!

Perhaps I'm dating myself as a child of the seventies, but when I was a young I loved to wear Garanimals! You didn't need your parents telling you what to wear, because all you had to do was match the animals on the tag to know what clothes went together.  The introduction of this coordinated system was fun, promoted maturity, and helped children feel good about themselves.

Now that I'm a married "grown woman" (as Mary J. Blidge so aptly put it), I have found the need for learning how to match once again.  The best wedding gift we received was advice: Be sure to pray every single day together without fail!  At the time it seemed easy enough, but as the days passed by after our "I Do", we worked hard to make it a critical part of our routine.  We both know that prayer has kept us standing as outside forces have beat up against us.  Darryl always says, "God is the head of this union"... Scriptures says, "a three-fold cord isn't easily broken"... I say, "Amen to both"!

Praying together is mandatory in a healthy, God-centered marriage relationship.  If a couple hasn't both decided that Christ is their glue-connector, then staying together may be difficult when life kicks into high gear.  Can't we all agree that staying married is the ultimate goal???  Statistics say that almost half of Christian marriages end in divorce.  I wonder how many Christians are getting married equally yoked, with wise counsel established, and equal goal lines ahead.  Let us not rush to our own desires and not see the team's desires as most critical!

Garanimals teach children how to match clothing outfits by using various animals on the tags.

So this is where, praying "Garanimal Style" becomes necessary! As married couples build their daily prayer life, it is imperative that matching prayers take place when together or individually.  Garanimals clothing are so cool, because they are built on a "coordinated system", and so should our prayers be.

Uncoordinated Prayer: 
Theresa prays, "dear Lord... please send the Ordells to Italy to live in a palace."
Darryl prays, "dear Lord... please send the Ordells to the Dominican Republic to live in a shack."
There is NO coordinated system of prayers.  This shows not only being out of sync with each other, but it also shows a lack of communication on our part.  If you don't talk it out and map out a plan, you'll never make progress.

God will not answer prayers that divide a married unit.

Prayer is a serious thing, it involves power, accuracy and expectancy... and a turning of the will!  Our wills should be clearly directed to God's agenda if we want the most effectiveness.  So when couples see no activity, they must reconvene and address what is being prayed.  Perhaps many couples don't want to take the risk of praying together due to the possibility of exposing their opposition of desires!

Get on one accord and pray like Garanimals together!  First, discuss what you'd like to see God do in your future.  Whether it's praying about a job change, purchasing a house, having children, moving to another state, going back to school or even going on vacation... pray like Garanimals - find a coordinated system so that your prayers will be effective!

Mark 3:25 states: 

If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.

Just recently, Darryl and I were discussing something in our lives that we anticipated God to do.  I assumed we were both cheering for the same team and expecting the same result!  Darryl listened to me go on and on and on and on and on and on... (did I say he actually listened to me go on and on?) and after I finished my tirade, he broke IT down and ME down too!

This is how my husband viewed our prayers:
Theresa was praying/asking for God to bless us in a particular way, as if it may not be possible for us to receive or be considered for a blessing.  
Darryl was praying for God to get us ready for the blessing so that we could be good stewards over it, because he knew the Lord was more than able to fulfill the request!

Our prayers were not on a coordinated system... or should I say, we were close, but not quite matching and praying Garanimal style!  Our belief system had to be set the same way, then we had to ask in agreement. I was still hoping and he had already been there and done that.

Garanimal Style Prayer:
Lord, prepare us for the blessing that is coming our way. We know that you are a specific God that tailors our blessings in a unique way.  We cannot be unprepared when you decide it's time for us to receive the blessing.  We want to maximize our miracles and be the right stewards over every gift you bring to our house.  Most importantly, let your will be done in our lives. We submit to your agenda, your timetable and your plans of prosperity.  Be it unto us according to your Word and our faith! In Jesus' name... Amen.

Now, sometimes we're just not where the other spouse is in our ability to ask the Lord for our needs.  This is okay.  When you come together for prayer, it can still be Garanimal style if one of you says, I'm just not where you are yet, but I'm willing to come in God's presence with you to work it out so we can get on one accord.  When both of you are saved and walking in relationship with Jesus Christ, then agreement is possible.  If you cannot reach a place of agreement with what to pray, there's still a way to pray like Garanimals!

Garanimal Style Prayers when you can't Agree:
Lord, we're at a crossroads in our marriage.  We're in separate corners of the ring ready to come out swinging to get our way.  I want to go to Alaska, and they want to go to Hawaii.  They want to go to one church, while I want to go to another.  One of us wants to quit our job and the other wants to look for more work.  One of us isn't in love anymore, and the other wants to stay in this marriage for better or for worst.  Neither of us want to give up our desires, but we all that we can agree on is that you are a just Judge.  You will have to call the shots on this dilemma, you turn our wills to your will.  Send a clear and precise sign that will get both of our attentions so that we don't let our differences cause a breach in the covenant.  Help us oh Lord for there is none other that can fix our marriage but you... In Jesus' name, Amen... so be it...

Even if it hurts, ask your spouse to sit in prayer to find agreement.  Remember, before it gets completely divided consider their option and God's option before you fight to the death for your own way.  All in all, I speak life to your marriage decisions.  May the Lord use every situation to teach you all how to merge into a powerful unit full of focus and precise in their prayers!

Amen,

Mrs. Wow

Need help getting a prayer routine started with your spouse? Check out this blog for pointers: http://ournewlywedchronicles.blogspot.com/search/label/home%20life

Be sure to look out for my upcoming training session in prayer for wives: Praying a Boaz Blessing over Your Husband!  This session will give you directives to take before the Lord when asking him to bless your husband, you don't want to miss it!

Email theresa@harvestwords.com for more information. This will be scheduled for an online video program and an in-person session for engaged and married women. Information will be posted on the webpage too: www.harvestwords.com

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"Single Saturday's" - #3 - weekly question as you ponder your path!

It's interesting what you'll do to make a relationship work.  It's even more interesting what you won't be willing to do to make a relationship work.  When my husband married me, he inheirited my two girls, Peace & Joy.  As a result of his adoption, we start and end every day by picking up crap! 

Once when a friend was getting married, she came to spend the weekend with me prior to the big day.  Before she left, I told her I wanted her to go with me to walk the girls.  As I handed her the leash, I also handed her a little green bag for the poop.  The walk began and eventually nature had her way and the dogs had to "go".  After they finished, the stinch filled the air then I motioned for her to pick up the crap!  She looked disgusted, but I told her, "this is your first lesson in marriage... everyday you have to pick up crap!"  It's true... no relationship is free without it.  

As you fantasize about how glamorous and glorious it will be to be married... just remember the crap will come but love can handle all!  Now if you're going to pick up crap, be sure to have your baggies to gather it up and throw it away.  Don't let stuff simmer... or the smell and intensity of it all gets worst.

Single Saturday Question of the Week:  
How good are you at picking up crap???  Do you think you could handle arguments, hard times and communication problems ... and then forgive your spouse, let it all go and push on with your day???

CAUTION: DO NOT ENTER! (for singles)

You know the yellow tape used to protect a crime scene that warns for you not to cross the line? Well, I often think this is what a lot of singles should have around their lives to keep either unwanted visitors out—or to warn others that soul upgrades are still in process!

Many singles often wonder, "ok, so like I'm waiting around to find the right person...what should I be doing in the meantime???" Well, duh, hanging out holding your cell waiting for a stranger to magically text you isn't going to work! Get to work on you!

There are tons of things you can do to get ready for a serious relationship, especially with the plans of it leading to marriage. Here are just a couple of things, and we'll explore more at another time:

1) work on your communicating skills!
So do you tend to get frustrated with people when they don't "get" you or where you're coming from in conversation? Do you hate having to express your feelings without yelling, screaming, crying or name calling? Do you practice constructive criticism with friends? Do you express yourself in a rational manner to your boss or coworkers? If these areas are a problem, chances are that it bleeds over into your romantic relationships too. When you're dating, do you try to use sex to solve every crisis? Sex may temporarily stop the disagreement, but in the long run, you're telling the person you're dating that you are incapable of using words to express yourself. You are also telling them that you're a master manipulator. Try working on your temper, expression of feelings and most of all... listening skills! If you try to respond before they even state their case - try laying low with people and see if you've even heard them yet. Try this: repeat back to them what they've said and ask them if you've understood correctly. More later on this topic...

2) work on your disciplines!
I know this sounds so boring and dull, but remember we're working on a crime scene here! No long term relationship or marriage works without discipline. I honestly believe that your discipline practices will cause your partner or spouse to gain respect for you as a person. Disciplines cover food, exercise, work, setting and reaching goals, and expanding your spiritual development. It basically shows that you are focused on life enhancements and will only add to their life too! Do you read? Do you study even if you're not in school? Do you take extracurricular classes? Is your financial spending out of control? Show someone attracted to you that you are able to protect their heart in a committed relationship or their money placed in a shared account in a marriage.

3) work on finding rich experiences!
In my Me Management Discipleship class, I teach a lesson on the verb, "to live". I love that one of the definitions is "to have rich experiences". That speaks volumes to me, and I worked hard to do this when I was single till 40.  Boy, I went to Italy twice, Paris, Australia—New Zealand, Jamaica, Bermuda, Bahamas, Hawaii and all over the country hanging with friends or traveling alone! I remember standing in the airport alone in Rome crying because my friends weren't arriving until the next day, and I forgot how to say in Italian "take me to my hotel" to the taxi driver. It's still one of my most favorite adventures! Anyway, back on topic. You must have something to share besides what you'd like to do "one day"! Stop being afraid of your shadow! Get up - get out - and do something so you have amazing stories to tell your spouse as you plan what other things you'll do together. Learn a language, befriend people from other races, eat at restaurants that aren't part of a chain around the country. LIVE! Be daring!

Ok - chew on that now and we'll discuss more later!

For more single updates, you can also follow on Twitter @harvestwords!

Love, The Mrs.

"Married Mondays" Short & Simple Question for our Readers!

Ok, marriage is a journey... we don't believe it' s fair to say that one level or year mark is easier than another. Stuff happens, people change and the pressure is always on.

BUT in the midst of life happening... tell us one of the coolest moments in your marriage that you all shared that wasn't determined by money or status, house or apartment, kids or trying to get pregnant, job or unemployment!  Y'all were just cool like that...even if it was for that brief moment in time!

It could have been a simple night at home chilling when one of you did something special, a 10 second joke at just the right time, a massage, or a fun moment at a boring event, whatever it was -tell us how your spouse made you smile or made you know it was going to be okay after all was said and done!

Husband's Log - #3

The T-Shirt

Stardate: 09-08-02-AJ
Time: 00:53
Day 99

Ok, so I was recently traveling to Minneapolis. On the flight there I was wearing my “I Love My Wife” T-shirt. You may be asking yourself why I was wearing a shirt that says “I Love My Wife”. The answer is simple. That’s right those five little yet powerful words…“she said I had to”. Don't get it twisted I ain't no punk...uhhh...don't tell her I said that. For real, I don't mind the shirt, the problem is that it invites unwanted comments and conversation.

One of the things Mrs. WOW and I have realized since we've been married is that we both love to communicate---I love to communicate with her, and she loves in communicate with everyone. You feel me? Good. I don’t particularly care to talk to strangers. My wife on the other hand… Well, if you know her then you know what I’m talking about. Can I get a “What What!!” However, if you don’t know her, here’s an example of what I mean. We are on our Honeymoon cruise, which turned out to be the cruise from hell, except for my impersonation of James Brown during a ship performance...don't ask. Upon leaving our cabin on the second night, she acknowledges everyone working on the boat BY NAME as we make our way to dinner. I mean the porters, the housekeepers, the outside cleaning crew, the inside cleaning crew, the maitre d, servers, bus boys…EVERYONE! My only issue with this is after returning her salutation with goodness and light they turn up they’re noses and respond to my hellos with, “Hello little man who is with Theresa!” WHAT IS THAT?! I paid for this luxury cruise from Los Angeles to Mexico back to Los Angeles that actually wound up in San Francisco. At least fake it people! You feel me? Good.

Soooooooo if I don’t initiate conversation and a person doesn’t talk to me I’m cool with that. But this T-shirt that my wife bought me just screams, “Say something clever to me!” So here are some of the clever comments I received. I’ve left out names to protect the “ignant”:

“That’s a great shirt. I want to get my husband one.”

“Oh, how cute. Do you really love her?”

“I love that shirt. You can get a lot of women with that. They love that kind of stuff.”

“Where in the world did you get that shirt?”

“Your wife made you wear that huh? I would’ve changed shirts in the airport bathroom.”

“You should take a picture with the people in the airport to prove that you are still wearing it.”

“Yeah you love her, but does she love you?”

Then one gentleman told me a joke: During a seminar on marriage. The speaker announces that all the men who consider themselves to be real men must get up and stand on the right side of the auditorium and all the men who are henpecked must get up and stand on the left. After about ten minutes, every man in the building is standing on the left except for one lone soul. The speaker says to this brave gentleman, “Sir, you are the only man standing in the section designated for ‘real men’. I can see that you are a very powerful individual. Can you tell us why you have chosen to stand in this section?” The man replied, “My wife told me to.”

Throughout all of this, the smirks and sarcastic remarks made under people’s breath, I noticed one thing: Hopelessness. People seemed to be down on marriage. We live in an era where we want everything now. And without working for it, it seems. If it doesn’t work out or we don’t like it, we move on to something else. Marriage is not like that! Can I get a “What What” from those who know!!! You have to work at it. Did you know that the divorce rate for first time marriages is 50%? Scary right? Stick with me, it gets worse. For second and third time marriages it's 67% and 74% respectively. What does that say little man who is with Theresa? I'm glad you asked. It says that we enter into these situations before we are ready to be in them. You are the common denominator in all three situations. Amazingly enough the problem could be you and not the other person. Once you have worked at being a better you, and you are sure you want this relationship as well... then you work at it. You will even fight for it!

I believe this hopelessness that I mentioned before stems from fear. What are people afraid of little man who is with Theresa, you may be asking yourself. We are afraid to look at ourselves, because we may not like what we see. Therefore we concentrate on finding fault with the other person. You find fault with them and they with you. Before you know it, you’re either on your third marriage or in a string of unsuccessful relationships making the same mistakes. It’s no wonder people get fed up!

Check this out, if you ask God to help you help Him help you (just think about it), when you take another look at yourself you will be amazed at how He’s changed and prepared you. You will then be ready for that person He is sending your way; that person whose eyes will be the mirrors in which you see yourself. They won’t find fault in every little thing you do, though you may have many.

Just before I boarded my flight I heard an older gentleman say, “That’s a real nice shirt young man.” And I thought you know what, he’s right.