3.31.2010

CAUTION: DO NOT ENTER! (for singles)


You know the yellow tape used to protect a crime scene that warns for you not to cross the line? Well, I often think this is what a lot of singles should have around their lives to keep either unwanted visitors out—or to warn others that soul upgrades are still in process!

Many singles often wonder, "ok, so like I'm waiting around to find the right person...what should I be doing in the meantime???" Well, duh, hanging out holding your cell waiting for a stranger to magically text you isn't going to work! Get to work on you!

There are tons of things you can do to get ready for a serious relationship, especially with the plans of it leading to marriage. Here are just a couple of things, and we'll explore more at another time:

1) work on your communicating skills!
So do you tend to get frustrated with people when they don't "get" you or where you're coming from in conversation? Do you hate having to express your feelings without yelling, screaming, crying or name calling? Do you practice constructive criticism with friends? Do you express yourself in a rational manner to your boss or coworkers? If these areas are a problem, chances are that it bleeds over into your romantic relationships too. When you're dating, do you try to use sex to solve every crisis? Sex may temporarily stop the disagreement, but in the long run, you're telling the person you're dating that you are incapable of using words to express yourself. You are also telling them that you're a master manipulator. Try working on your temper, expression of feelings and most of all... listening skills! If you try to respond before they even state their case - try laying low with people and see if you've even heard them yet. Try this: repeat back to them what they've said and ask them if you've understood correctly. More later on this topic...

2) work on your disciplines!
I know this sounds so boring and dull, but remember we're working on a crime scene here! No long term relationship or marriage works without discipline. I honestly believe that your discipline practices will cause your partner or spouse to gain respect for you as a person. Disciplines cover food, exercise, work, setting and reaching goals, and expanding your spiritual development. It basically shows that you are focused on life enhancements and will only add to their life too! Do you read? Do you study even if you're not in school? Do you take extracurricular classes? Is your financial spending out of control? Show someone attracted to you that you are able to protect their heart in a committed relationship or their money placed in a shared account in a marriage.

3) work on finding rich experiences!

In my Me Management Discipleship class, I teach a lesson on the verb, "to live". I love that one of the definitions is "to have rich experiences". That speaks volumes to me, and I worked hard to do this when I was single till 40.  Boy, I went to Italy twice, Paris, Australia—New Zealand, Jamaica, Bermuda, Bahamas, Hawaii and all over the country hanging with friends or traveling alone! I remember standing in the airport alone in Rome crying because my friends weren't arriving until the next day, and I forgot how to say in Italian "take me to my hotel" to the taxi driver. It's still one of my most favorite adventures! Anyway, back on topic. You must have something to share besides what you'd like to do "one day"! Stop being afraid of your shadow! Get up - get out - and do something so you have amazing stories to tell your spouse as you plan what other things you'll do together. Learn a language, befriend people from other races, eat at restaurants that aren't part of a chain around the country. LIVE! Be daring!

Ok - chew on that now and we'll discuss more later!

For more single updates, you can also follow on Twitter @harvestwords!

Love, The Mrs.

3.29.2010

"Married Mondays" - #2 - Short & Simple Question for our Readers!

Thanks to everyone that gave insight last week on our first "Married Mondays" question!  This can be lots of fun and can help you consider more in your marriage by sharing with others.

Are you ready for another one? Let's get going... tell us the most ridiculous fight/argument you've had with your spouse! How did it get resolved? It was so petty that you had to laugh about it in the end! Were you in public, at home, visiting family??? Inquiring minds want to know!

If you have a question that you would like to hear the answers to on this blog, please email us at ordelldt@comcast.net.  We want to hear from you!

In the meantime, check out our Monday song suggestion... old school from the Jackson 5, "Got to Be There" . No matter how much we disagree, at the end of the day we should get back together!

Disclaimer: you don't really think he was serious in this picture do you??? As if...

3.25.2010

"I Don't Want to be Like You!"


...I was reminded early this morning while walking the dogs that a young lady declared to me before an audience of about 12 of my mentorees that she didn't want to be like me!

Wow! You talk about eating the humble pie... I actually lost words to reply immediately! I thought the whole point of mentoring was for others to aspire to some part of you that they could emulate...was I wrong?

She went on to tell me that she didn't want to be like me—in my early 30's and still single (at that time). "Oh, okay Ms. Lady... then go grab you any old man, force him to marry you and live happily ever after!" lol - I so wanted to say this, but I had to act like a mature grown up and a leader, which can be boring at times.

Anyway, her basic thoughts were that my teachings: to respect your body by not sleeping around, live with integrity, follow God's commands in regards to your living, rid yourself of insecurity before dating seriously and much more... was equated to a sure way to not being able to find a partner to date and eventually marry.

It made me realize that perhaps a lot of other single Christians and non-Christians feel the same. It's as though your marriage-ability stock goes up if you have sex within 90 days, live full of desperation, present a weak facade of being confident and self-assured, drum up as many STD's as you can, and any other dumb idea like having sex flings due to loneliness... I would really beg to differ!

I know the world presents that view that God has no idea how to get you to the alter and in a successful marriage after that - (but when you do get there be sure to have a minister give you His blessings!) It's as though sex was never His idea, and marriage is not a godly principle. People - dear singles - He designed all the things you're chasing, so it seems to me that doing life His way would make you more successful! (I'm just saying...)

Yes, that single young female made it a point to declare that she didn't want to be like me, but being like me didn't just mean single in my 30's ... I guess she didn't want to be like me in other areas too: STD and abortion free; confident in who God made me so I'd be better suited to find the right man for me and decode the counterfeits; loneliness free because my single life was spent giving myself away to service instead of whining about what I didn't have; traveling the world to expand my knowledge-base and increase my worldview... should I go on???

Reality states the following:
  1. some of the best things in life come to those that wait patiently
  2. the race isn't given to the swift, but to the one that has enduring power
  3. many singles don't get married until mid-30's so it's wise to live the best life possible full of destiny
  4. real, lasting blessings know how to locate you anywhere in the world, and they overtake you when you're least expecting it (you even get warm and tingly on the inside)

Last I checked this same young lady is still single as she is closing out her 30's... interesting, maybe she'll consider being like me now. I got married at 40—and wouldn't change my man or my journey!

SINGLES... Live on purpose!

Mrs. Ordell

3.22.2010

"Married Mondays" Short & Simple Question for our Readers!

Ok, marriage is a journey... we don't believe it' s fair to say that one level or year mark is easier than another. Stuff happens, people change and the pressure is always on.

BUT in the midst of life happening... tell us one of the coolest moments in your marriage that you all shared that wasn't determined by money or status, house or apartment, kids or trying to get pregnant, job or unemployment!  Y'all were just cool like that...even if it was for that brief moment in time!

It could have been a simple night at home chilling when one of you did something special, a 10 second joke at just the right time, a massage, or a fun moment at a boring event, whatever it was -tell us how your spouse made you smile or made you know it was going to be okay after all was said and done!