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Stardate: 09-11-23 AJ
17:25
Day 213
Hello fellow sons and daughters. I have not written a Husband’s log in quite some time. The reason I am keenly aware that I haven’t written a Husband’s log in quite some time is because my lovely wife, Mrs. WoW has said to me repeatedly, “You know, you haven’t written a husband’s log in quite some time.” One reason is that I have been struggling with the subject matter. I want to write something about manhood. I admit that I have been struggling with this because I am not sure if I can do such a broad topic justice. My doubts attack me, like schoolyard bullies, shouting, “Man, no one wants to hear what you have to say. People are going to criticize you. How could you possibly have anything to say about anything!” And after I’ve returned from my Happy Place, Joshua 1:9 comes to mind. Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Family, I am concerned about the state of our young males. Riddle me this. If a boy grows up with no respect, discipline or guidance, will he not become an adult with no respect, discipline or guidance? Sound familiar? Look at the males on the bus, your job, at church or even in your own home. I say males because there is a distinct difference between being a male and being a man. If this is news to you, keep reading.
I work in schools around the country and I’ve noticed something that albeit not new, seems to have gotten worse: Young males being raised by their mothers. As previously stated this phenomenon was started early on in the black community, however what is different is how these males are being raised. Our mothers once raised their sons, with a little help, to be men. Now these boys are being raised to be players not providers, fops not fathers and wannabe gangsters instead of the princes they are. The problem is two-fold. First, young mothers are raising their sons to be the kind of male they, themselves are attracted to and not the kind of man who marries. Secondly, the fathers are not around…for whatever reason. Consequently, we have lost a whole generation of young males and are losing another and it seems no one wants to take responsibility for it. I’m not saying that every young black male should go to college, although that would be nice. I am saying however that every young black male should finish high school and have some sort of idea about a plan for his future. Believe it or not but most of our sons can barely read the English language and they think that is acceptable. I don’t know how but being intelligent has some how become synonymous with acting white. We as people of color it seems have bought into other people’s idea of who we are. According to the National Center for Education Statistics in 2005, 52% of black eighth graders read at or above the Basic (partial mastery) level; 12% read at or above the Proficient (solid academic performance) level. If that doesn’t scare the crap out of you, you’re stupid! How can a boy grow up to be a famous rapper or athlete if he can’t read, he asked sarcastically. What are you trying to say little man who is with Theresa? I’m trying to say that you’ll never learn to be a man unless you get to see a man. I heard one of my favorite comedians say that and I believe it’s true. Yes, a mother can teach you how to be LIKE a man that she admires. My mother did. But only another man can teach you how to BE a man. I am not going to get into a theoretical debate about the situation or why it is the way it is. It just is…and it needs to be rectified and we (the whole village) have to do it.
I was raised by a single parent until I was twelve, when my mother remarried. When I was growing up there was always a man around that you could talk to, whether you did or not. A neighbor, a cousin, a play brother or a deacon at the church…there was somebody there to help you on your journey. That’s not the case anymore. We have a generation of males who have been raised to be selfish instead of self-reliant. Let’s be real, how can I show you how to keep your word, set goals and make sacrifices if I can’t/don’t do it myself. The result is, a male who can’t fend for him self. He has to depend on someone else to take care of him. The consequence of this vicious cycle is a community that will not progress and ultimately cannot sustain itself. If a male is not equipped to take care of him self, how can he possibly be expected to protect and provide for a family? How can he be the priest of his home? How can he show his son what being a man looks like and his daughter what kind of man to look for? “Survey says”, he can’t.
I am concerned about the state of our young males. Allow me to paint a picture for you. Mrs. WoW and I were in a restaurant a few months ago waiting to be seated. When the host approached I pointed to the two people ahead of us. “They were here first”, I said. They were people of color as well. He was about 21 years old, dress in an oversized white T-shirt and a sagging pair of jeans. She was about 36 years of age. The host asked if they were ready to be seated. The young man replied, “Uhh, she wanna talk…uhhh auntie he wanna talk to you.” He taps the woman on the shoulder, as she is on her phone (that’s another log) and points to the host. She says, “Oh yeah, he need a job are ya’ll hirin?” I was so annoyed! My wife had to talk me down. I wanted to say, “No, they ain’t hiring! They ain’t gonna hire no one who ain’t got confidence enough to speak for himself and who ain’t aware enough to wear the proper attire when looking for a job!” Why was SHE asking for a job application for HIM? We are raising a nation of boys who will forever be boys unless they learn how to be men. And how will they learn if there is no one around to teach them.
A few weeks before our wedding Mrs. WoW and I got into an argument about the responsibility of the groom. Well an argument implies that there was a dialogue. It was more like she complained and I listened. You gotta choose your battles. Apparently there was something that I, as the groom, neglected to do. She told me that I should know the groom’s role in the marriage process. I said how was I supposed to know this information if I had never been taught. She was dumbfounded. As many times as my parents had been married; as many people as I knew who had gotten married; as many times as we had watched the T.V. show Bridezillas, I wasn’t completely sure of my role as the groom. I had to take a crash course. Seeking guidance from my best man, my dad and a few of my boys who had gone through the process helped me negotiate the transition from perplexed groom to husband extraordinaire. LoL.
I want to take this time to give shout a out to the men who aided in my SEEING what a man looks like: Terry, Lewis, Granddaddy Odis, Mr. Dumas, Daddy C., Pastor Frank, Lukey, Uncle Rick, Russell, Mr. Logan, Uncle Eric, Rev. Atwater, Mr. Proctor, Brother Jesse, Dennis, Chuck, Mr. Elom, Charles, Owen, Demmette, Jacques, Uncle Lee and Mr. Tom. If I neglected to mention a name or six it was not intentional. You all have left indelible footprints on my soul.
I am concerned about the state of our young males. You should be too.
