Husband's Log - #4

Date Night
Stardate: 09-09-09 AJ
6:21 P.M.
Day 137

Hello good people! I trust everyone’s summer went swimmingly! Mrs. WoW and I have recently returned from a three-week, seven city tour. Like many of you, we are on a bud--- (unfortunately we need more money to completely spell the word b-u-d-g-e-t). However, the Lord made a way, as He always does. Like Pastor Marlon Reid said, “Lift your hands and say won’t He do it”!

It’s ironic that I began writing this entry to the Newlywed Chronicles on September 4th. That is my great-grandmother’s birthday. Why is that important little man who is with Theresa, you might ask? Well, it’s not important so much as it is sardonic. My great-grandmother was always concerned that I hadn’t married by the age of 23. Now, not only am I married and chronicling my newlywed experience, I am writing this log about the marriage bed or whatever euphemism you wish to use to speak of …the freaky-deaky. For those of you who are the “clutch the pearls” type or the ultra uber-holy rollers, check out Hebrews 13:4. Lift your hands and say won’t He do it!

When I was single and living in New York City, I knew where most of the high-end lingerie boutiques in the city were located. That’s because they were on my way to work. I was also familiar with the establishments that sold, shall we say, slightly indecent apparel. But that’s another story. My point is people…I love to see my wife in lingerie. I ain’t gonna front. By the way, if I’ve neglected to thank any of you for the beautiful garments you gave her at her bridal shower, let me take this time to do so. But first, I need to holla at the folks that bought her the “risqué” stuff. Thank you, Gracias, Obrigado! Daddy like!!!

I’ve said this to say that ultimately on Dress-up Night—(some of you may have another name for it, like Date Night or Tuesday), whatever you call it, we all know that the beautiful as well as the risqué lingerie will end up on the floor, the door or the television set. Unless you are the type who says, “Ooooh I like the way that looks on you. Don’t take it off! Let’s rip a few holes in it an keep on going”. To you I say, be careful. Some of the lingerie you may encounter is not easy to rip up or off. These are quality garments and, if not handled properly, can result in a terrible condition that is rarely talked about. That’s right, Lingerie Burn. Had I known about Lingerie Burn prior to getting married—let’s just say I would’ve approached that whole thang differently. But if my pain can assist in someone else’s learning…so be it!

I know what you’re thinking. Where are you going with this little man who is with Theresa? What is the big “Ta-Daaa”? Bear with me. I’ve heard that some people believe marriage is solely for procreation. With the divorce rate being what it is, my question to them is, how’s that working for you? They say the top three reasons for divorce are: (1) Money, (2) Children and (3) Sex, not necessarily in that order. Well, we ain’t got no kids or money for that matter... so we only have reason three on which to focus. By the time we do acquire money and kids, hopefully we will have become experts at reason three.

All I’m trying to say is have fun with your spouse. Express yourself tenderly, lovingly and sexually, whatever that means to you both. Ta Daaa! Did I say check out Hebrews 13:4? Good. Now peruse I Corinthians 7:3-5.

I recently asked a couple that has been married for 50 years what was their secret. He said, “We laugh a lot”. She said, “The sex ain’t bad either”. After 50 years they are still going strong. Lift your hands and say won’t He do it! So to my married folk, whether it’s Date Night, Dress-up Night or any night ending in “t”…light a few candles, run a bath and/or give your spouse a massage. And if you happen to rip a track out, remember it was all done in love. Have fun and be careful out there! But don't let things like this happen: