On My Own!

Wife's Report

It was just the third day of our marriage, and we were fighting about separating! Who would have thought this would happen! We were supposed to be overflowing with happiness, chilling by the pool enjoying all the yummy food on the cruise ship... but I was upset, and he was confused.

It never really entered my mind that once we got married, we'd have to spend nights alone or go our separate ways. As a result, I was angry and didn't care if he knew. I honestly felt like I was being abandoned, which means that the person leaving has no intention of ever coming back. So I stormed out of the suite off to iron his shirt for the dinner we were headed to. My little feelings were crushed... so as I began to iron his shirt, I got even more upset when black streaks appeared on the sleeves and front! Now I went from being crushed to angry to furious! I headed back to the suite stomping hard as I went, entered the suite and proclaimed "look at your shirt!" (Marriage was going great at this point!) Darryl was looking at me like I was a monster that had overtaken the woman he thought he married. His eyes told me I was tripping, so I quickly tried to recover by explaining how the shirt got messed up by the iron and that the ship would have to pay for the replacement. He just continued to stare, and I was whispered to myself, "you're acting like a crazy wife and it's only day three!"

Was Darryl leaving me for good, were we separating, was he abandoning me or forsaking his marriage? Nope, not at all, but my actions made it seem like it. In all actuality, he was simply scheduled to go out of town for work. Did I know that traveling for work would be a heavy part of our marriage? Yep! Did I know that even I would have to do traveling for work during our marriage? Yep! But did I expect to miss him as much as I did at that moment? Nope! As independent as I had been for 40 years of living, never had I imagined that loving someone so deeply would hit me so hard. The only category in my mind his work travel could be placed in was separation, which was quite extreme.

Months have now passed, and I am getting adjusted to his bags being packed to go make the money we need to keep our lives afloat. I can actually drop him off at the airport without feeling like I'll never see him again, or he's leaving me forever and ever... and ever ever. Does this mean I don't miss him terribly or have a hard time going to sleep now? Nope! But I can deal with it so much better. I've even developed plans for when he's gone to work on projects or household things that would normally take up time from us being together when he's home.

One of the couples we love so dearly and look to for quality advice, Darrell and Angie Finney, have to spend time apart too due to work travel. They encourage us think of the big picture we're painting for our lives, Angie encourages me to focus on supporting him on all endeavors so he can focus on the task ahead, while Darrell advised me to share how I'm feeling instead of allowing anger and sadness to do all the communicating in place of my words.

Single ladies, remember I've cautioned you before that getting married means you may still have to be alone at times while he works the plan for the team. Are you a big girl yet? Big girls know how to roll with the punches! Big girlls know how to support and encourage! Watch out that you don't let your fantasy about marriage consume you. Be sure to watch the healthy couples around you that balance real life in positive ways.

Married ladies, let's not forget the goal of our union is to have a happy home that is focused on the purposes of God. Be the helpmate that knows how to keep the ship floating when the captain is tending to business. Evaluate how you offer support when you have to be on your own. Sometimes he can be right in the house, but busy dealing with school or a business project - can you handle being on your own?

I have other married sisters that have to watch their husbands travel for work or spend time away from home. They always tell me that you get used to it, but the best advice is to be sure to make his welcome home so amazing that he won't want to be gone for long! When's the last time you gave your husband an amazing welcome home from a trip or even just a long day away from the house?

I'm no longer a monster when it's time to "separate", because I know that Darryl does all he can to get home as soon as he can! It makes me treasure his presence when he is home. It makes every call or texts so priceless when I know he's in back to back workshops. It makes me know he loves being married when he tells me how people ask him about his wife or enjoy him telling stories about us when he's on the road working.

Yep, Mr. LBD (my nick name for him) is the king of the castle whether he's home or away. He's the king of my heart at all times. I respect his hustle for our home. I respect his willingness to do anything he can to provide for us. I respect him for rushing home whenever he's away.


Standing firm,

The Mrs.